Parents may not recognize the warning signs that their daughter has a potentially abusive boyfriend until it’s too late. Yeardley Love and Rhianna have put dating violence in the national news in the past year. Parents may want to educate themselves about the subtle signs of emotional abuse, an issue in itself, but also an indication that a relationship can turn violent.
Early Warning Signs – Emotional Abuse in Teen Relationships
A variety of experts and organizations, including the Break the Cycle organization, agree on early warning signs of emotional abuse that can eventually result in physical abuse:
- Excessive text messaging from a boyfriend (even if it’s not threatening)
- A daughter acts fearful about not answering a boyfriend’s phone or text quickly
- A boyfriend who has witnessed physical violence in his home
- A boyfriend puts down to your daughter or calls her demeaning names
- A daughter stops activities and interests she used to enjoy (girl friendships, school clubs, sports, etc.)
- A daughter feeling responsible for her boyfriend’s feelings
- A teen relationship revolves around only what the boy wants to do
Gary Cuccia’s daughter, Demi was murdered by her ex-boyfriend in her own living room. After 16-year-old Demi broke up with her boyfriend, he repeatedly texted Demi asking to see her. Gary told Matt Lauer on The Today Show, “Looking back, now that I’ve educated myself, there were some signs that maybe we should have picked up on.”
Dating Violence Education for Parents
Because she feels “in love”, a daughter may not notice the signs that a boyfriend may be using excessive control and manipulation within their teen relationship. Parents can’t always rely on their daughter’s interpretation of her boyfriend’s actions. Parents can look for the warning signs listed above, learn more information from the “resources for parents” below as well as seek the help of a professional counselor if they suspect their daughter is involved in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Dr. Jill Murray, an expert on dating violence has written several books including But I Love Him (Harper Paperbacks, 2001) and But He Never Hit Me (iUniverse, 2007). The Break the Cycle organization offers a Dating Violence 101 website including signs and symptoms of the power and control tactics often used by abusive boyfriends.
Resources for Parents to Educate Daughters
Because teenagers are in a developmental stage of breaking away from parents, teen girls may have a hard time receiving advice from a parent. Break the Cycle has a Youtube channel featuring videos of teen girls relaying true life stories about dating violence with explicit details of their experiences dating an abusive boyfriend.
Dr. Jill Murray’s website offers books, educational videos, articles and links to many resources for parents about dating violence, the warning signs of physical and emotional abuse and how to get out of a relationship with an abusive boyfriend.
The Tyra Banks Show, one watched by many teen girls is one of several media resources for parents to show daughters. The show often focuses on teen relationships, abusive boyfriends and interviews victims about the early warning signs of emotional abuse in a relationship.
A variety of on-line quizzes are available for daughters to take to help them determine if they are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship. Break the Cycle also has a Dating Violence blog containing resources for both parents and teens.
The web offers many resources for parents to use as they teach daughters about dating violence. Also parents need to look for the signs of emotional abuse and seek the help of a professional if a daughter is not recognizing the signs that she is in an unhealthy or controlling relationship.
Kelly Pfeiffer - Kelly Pfeiffer teaches Positive Discipline workshops to parents and trains child care providers on various child development topics.
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