MTV’s series, I Used to Be Fat chronicles the journey of overweight teenagers as they get lean and fit in 100 days. During the summer between high school and college, a trainer works one on one with a teenager to help him or her shed pounds and start college as a new improved shadow of their former selves. In each show, viewers can pick up on parenting tips that can be helpful when working with overweight teenagers.
Each episode of I Used to Be Fat targets a different teenager’s story of hard physical work-outs and emotional struggles to learn a new healthy lifestyle. Watching the series can help parents uncover what overweight teenagers really need from parents in order to reach weight loss goals. It is recommended for parents to watch episode 1 in conjunction with reading the reflections and parenting tips in this article.
Gabriella’s Weight Loss Challenges
In episode 1, trainer Katie works with teenager, Gabriella. “I don’t know how to limit myself,” says the 18-year-old who was homecoming queen at her high school.
Mother-daughter control issues are highlighted in episode 1. Gabriella’s mother, Arleen provides high calorie snacks for Gabriella’s younger sisters. Arleen also admits to leaving cookies and chewy bars out as a “test” for Gabriella, who admits to sneaking the sweets and concealing the wrappers in a paper towel before throwing them in the trash can.
At a starting weight of 253 lbs, Gabriella must lose 6 lbs per week to reach her goal weight of 145 lbs. Between juggling high school and her part-time job at a beauty supply store, Gabriella struggles to fit in her work out schedule, a good night’s sleep and time to prepare meals that will support her weight loss goals.
Mother Daughter Issues in Gabriella’s Life
Gabriella’s mom, Arleen alternates between being encouraging and discouraging according to the clips chosen to be included in the show. “Even if you don’t lose another pound, look what you did!” Arleen says to Gabriella at one point in the show. But later the camera shows Arleen telling Gabriella, “Given the circumstances, I think you’re doing a ‘&#!**y” job.”
On camera, Katie, Gabriella’s trainer comments that when she met Gabriella and Arleen, she noticed their mother daughter relationship was based around Gabriella’s weight. But “When that’s put out of the equation,” Katie says to Gabriella, “you both have to relearn, like where to go – what boundaries you guys have.”
Control Issues in a Mother Daughter Relationship
When a mom’s parenting style leans toward the goal of maintaining control, a daughter may struggle with confidence in her decisions. A mom, like Arleen, who focuses on control, usually does so out of love. A mom may use controlling methods because she wants her daughter to do well, and is often worried that the situation will become worse or out of control if the mom lets go.
This dynamic is especially straining on the relationship during the teenage years because teens are in a developmental stage called the individuation process – a time when a teen breaks away from parents and defines herself as individual with her own set of values.
Parenting Tips to help Overweight Teenagers
Moms in a similar situation as Arleen in episode 1 of I Used to Be Fat can improve the mother daughter relationship and empower overweight teenagers by focusing on several Positive Discipline parenting tips and tools from the book, Positive Discipline for Teenagers (Nelsen & Lott, Crown Archetype, 2010).
- Mistakes are wonderful opportunities to learn: work on believing the idea that mistakes are learning opportunities and teaching the concept to a teenage child
- Practice giving unconditional love
- Spend quality time with a teenager to improve the mother daughter or parent-child relationship
- Take time for training: To empower a daughter to make decisions for herself, parents may need to ask for someone else to do the training to teach a teenager how to manage food intake and exercise
- Encouragement: Worded differently from praise, encouraging statements help a child take ownership of their actions and builds self-confidence.
- Letting go without abandoning: Turning over responsibility to teenagers is especially tough for moms with tendencies to use controlling methods to help teens with weight loss.
Many parents may recognize their methods while watching I Used to Be Fat. on MTV Chapter 10 of the book Positive Discipline (Ballentine Books, 2006) by Jane Nelsen offers more incite about control issues for parents as well as an abundance of parenting tips. Episode 1 of I Used to Be Fat can give parents a look into a mother daughter relationship that revolves around control and how being controlling can work against overweight teens and their weight loss goals.
Kelly Pfeiffer - Kelly Pfeiffer teaches Positive Discipline workshops to parents and trains child care providers on various child development topics.
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