Learn the four common reasons kids whine and actions parents can take to reduce whining and teach children new communication skills.
Many parents wish kids would stop whining or at least not whine as much. Often parents only deal with whiny behavior by telling kids to simply "stop whining". After parents understand the reasons behind whining, they can take appropriate action steps to reduce a child's whining.
Whining is a Symptom
Treating misbehavior symptoms is a short-term fix that doesn’t last because it doesn’t address the root cause of the whining. To discipline for whining and complaining, parents must first do some detective work and determine why a child is whining. Kids whine for a variety of reasons.
Common Reasons Kids Whine
- Whining Works – Some kids whine because they don’t have a reason not to. Children will not stop whining if parents continue to allow it. Do you answer your child’s questions or requests then they whine? If so, you’re sending your kids the message that whining is an acceptable way to communicate with you.
- Whining Manipulates the Parents Emotions – Many kids learn that using strong emotions motivates their parents’ decisions. Kids whine and groan to get parents to take pity on them or to evoke parental guilt. Do you often feel sorry for your kids when they whine? Of perhaps do you feel parental guilt when your children whine about certain issues? You may be buying into your own kids’ whining without realizing it if you allow your kids’ whining to push your pity or guilt buttons.
- Poor Adult Role Modeling – Kids can’t learn to speak assertively and clearly if they don’t know what it looks like. Do you and other adults in your home model speaking to others, (including speaking to children) in ways that don’t include whining and irritating tones? If parents set a poor example for verbal communication, where will children see appropriate communication skills modeled?
- Lack of Sleep – Our culture is severely sleep deprived. Are your children getting enough rest to keep their brains alert and learning new skills? Sleep deprivation puts children’s brains in a stress mode that creates a constant state of irritability. Parents usually underestimate the amount of sleep their child requires to function at their best.
Parenting Tips to Reduce Whining
- Make a Simple Statement – When kids whine, say, “I’ll listen when you talk in a calm voice”. The most important part of this solution is follow through. Take the time to wait until you child uses a calm voice. This may take lots of repetition and practice at first.
- Help Kids Practice – Choose a time when kids aren’t whining and are calm. Have kids choose one thing they have whined about recently, then practice new calm ways to verbalize what they want to say.
- Be a Role Model – If your kids have learned whiny behavior from you, then you’ve got some practicing of your own to do. Stop and breathe before you speak or count to ten before letting words fly out in a bad tone.
- Improve Sleep Habits – Many things affect a family’s sleep habits. Determine what needs to change in your home so that everyone can get plenty of rest. Are too many children’s activities getting in the way of your family getting proper rest? Is television, video game and computer time a priority over sleep for your family? Are you overworked and don’t have the energy to follow through to enforce bedtimes and bedtime routines?
Copyright Kelly Pfeiffer. Contact the author to obtain permission for republication.
Kelly Pfeiffer - Kelly Pfeiffer teaches Positive Discipline workshops to parents and trains child care providers on various child development topics.
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