I Used to Be Fat is a television series that highlights the emotional struggles and family dynamics of obese teenagers as they attempt to lose weight. During each episode of I Used to Be Fat, the MTV program assigns a trainer to one teenager who agrees to spend at least three months learning to eat healthy, exercise and tackle the emotional eating habits that have led the teenagers to be overweight.
I Used to Be Fat, Episode 2 – Marci’s Emotional Eating
Marci’s mom, Sandy began homeschooling her to help Marci escape the vicious teasing by school mates. It appears that Marci is being homeschooled by web assistance online and Sandy has few interactions with her 18-year-old daughter. “I do everything by myself,” says Marci.
Although Sandy cooks, Marci doesn’t eat the meals. Marci asks for Sandy to go out and get fast food for Marci’s meals. Marci eats many of those fast food meals in her room alone, which is often a sign of emotional eating. “Having no one around me all the time, it’s kind of like food is my friend,” Marci tells the I Used to Be Fat camera.
Trainer Justin’s Plan for Marci to Lose Weight
Personal trainer, Justin, has been chosen to help Marci lose weight in 89 days. At a starting weight of 250 lbs, Marci must lose an average of 7 lbs. per week to reach her goal weight of 160 lbs.
In episode 2, Marci’s first workouts are full of moans, groans and pleading to stop. “I can’t breathe,” Marci tells Justin. “If she couldn’t breathe, she wouldn’t be able to talk,” says Justin. “I hate him ‘cause he pushes me really hard,” says Marci. Marci’s main coping skill appears to be crying, yelling and asking to stop.
Moms and dads who lean towards a permissive parenting style may want to especially notice how Justin stays calm and doesn’t get emotionally hooked by Marci’s whining and complaining about the physically demanding tasks.
Sandy’s Permissive Parenting Style
“Marci’s mom’s a pushover. I’m definitely not,” says Justin, Marci’s trainer. “Justin made me realize that I was part of the problem taking her to get fast food,” says Marci’s mom, Sandy. “I absolutely enabled this child with bad eating habits.”
In an effort to empower Marci, Sandy announces to Marci that it’s time Marci learned to cook. “I don’t even know how to turn on the oven,” says Marci. During episode 2, the I Used to Be Fat crew films the task of Sandy patiently teaching Marci to cook two dishes for dinner. As mom and daughter eat the meal together, Sandy compliments Marci’s cooking and it’s impossible to miss the smile on Marci’s face.
How a Permissive Parenting Style Enables Obese Teenagers
“Too many mothers and fathers believe that good parents protect their children from all disappointment,” writes Jane Nelsen in Positive Discipline (Ballentine Books, 2006). “They rescue or overprotect – thus robbing their children of the opportunity to develop a belief in their capability to handle the ups and downs of life.”
Marci’s mother Sandy, responded to her daughter’s struggles by giving Marci most everything she wanted, especially food. Sandy could have said “No” to Marci, but instead she drove Marci to fast food restaurants and bought Marci whatever food Marci asked for. Because Marci wasn’t told no, she didn’t learn to set limits for herself.
How Permissive Parents Can Help Teens Lose Weight
Those who lean towards a permissive parenting style may need to get in touch with their own emotions about why they struggle with saying “no”. Are they afraid their kids won’t like them? Do they need their children to like them? What are they afraid will happen if they say “no”? Parents with permissive style may want to view “saying no” as a gift they can give to their children. Obese teenagers won’t be able to lose weight if parents constantly say “yes”.
Teenagers who use emotional eating for comfort are often lonely or are dealing with some intense feelings in their lives. Parents may want to ask a professional counselor for help in getting to the root of an emotional eating issue. Some obese teenagers may lack friendship skills or other social skills and may need some coaching on how to set limits with others and how to respect the limits of others.
Another book by Jane Nelsen and Cheryl Erwin, Parents Who Love Too Much (Prima Publishing, 2000) may significantly help those with a permissive parenting style. Also, watching Episode 2 of I Used to Be Fat may help parents see how their enabling tendencies can hurt a child in the long run, create tough obstacles for obese teenagers and make it especially difficult for a child to lose weight.
Kelly Pfeiffer - Kelly Pfeiffer teaches Positive Discipline workshops to parents and trains child care providers on various child development topics.
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